East to West

Entering a treatment center some 5 years ago, even after my repentance and surrender to Christ, I was faced with overwhelming guilt, condemnation and a crushing since of failure ...all while 'swimming in a sea of hopelessness'. Life as I knew it was over ... and had to be over in order to pursue a path of recovery and restoration -- and the pain was almost unbearable. As I called my friend and first sponsor (Wayne) and cried out for some type of hope during those early days, all he could give me was "at least nobody is dead". Everything else seemed to be lost -- money, family, job, reputation, home and , seemingly, everything else that I had 'gained' during my self-centered existence. I would go to meetings in the treatment center listening for any word of hope that would give me some degree of relief. I now know, looking back, that God was stripping me of all externals in order to give me a gift of intimacy and sufficiency in Christ...and that my true HOPE was in Him and Him alone.

With this in mind, I just came across a song by Casting Crowns entitled 'East to West'. The message of this song captured the desperation of a man (just like me) that was trying to hold on for one more day. I am so grateful for a Savior full of mercy and grace ...

East to West
Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness - The chains of yesterday surround me -I yearn for peace and rest -I don't want to end up where You found me -And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight -I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west -And I stand before You now as though I've never sinned -But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way- Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west -'cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again -In the arms of Your mercy I find rest -'cause You know just how far the east is from the west -From one scarred hand to the other- I start the day, the war begins, endless reminding of my sin -Time and time again Your truth is drowned out by the storm I'm in- Today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way- I know You've washed me white, turned my darkness into light -I need Your peace to get me through, to get me through this night -I can't live by what I feel, but by the truth Your word reveals -I'm not holding on to You, but You're holding on to me -You're holding on to me -Jesus, You know just how far the east is from the west -I don't have to see the man I've been come rising up in me again -In the arms of Your mercy I find rest -'cause You know just how far the east is from the west -From one scarred hand to the other -One scarred hand to the other- From one scarred hand to the other.

Lane