Having observed my own challenges and those of my 'fellow travelers' on this road of recovery, I am astounded at the predictability of outcomes when specific behaviors are observed. I thought about this one day when learning about 'wound care' in an online education class (I am a nurse, by the way...). The way it was explained, wounds could be staged according to the destruction of the tissues involved and outcomes could be predicted based on this staging and the related treatments. When a physician talks to an individual with a wound, he or she can explain the 'almost certain' consequences of poor treatment and non-compliance, especially for the more advanced injuries. For example, certain types of wounds will always lead to destruction and eventual death if not dealt with quickly and properly...and the treatment might be as radical requiring amputation of a limb. No matter the opinion of the patient, the emotions of the patient nor the 'other ideas' of the patient will change this fact. Without a 'power greater than themselves' and a prescribed 'program of treatment', the person will face a horrible outcome. The physician also knows that the 'inability to feel pain' associated with the wound is a significant predictor that the tissue is dead ... no matter how good a patient might 'feel'. The words might be harsh, but only the truth will give this person a chance of recovery.
This is, in my opinion, a powerful analogy as it relates to recovery from alcohol, drugs or any other substance or addiction. The person that has a degree of maturity in recovery and has followed the program for a period of time with success knows so much more about me than I know about myself. He or she also knows the landmines along the path ... especially when 'hearing' words of pride and self-sufficiency such as "I can handle it". Just like the physician that attempts to intervene with a deep tissue wound, a sponsor in the Program can point me to the treatment and away from a predictable fall toward destruction ... The problem is, these wounds of rebellion and self-centeredness might be evident when things are going so well in my life...and I am blind to the emerging patterns of behavior.
Gerald May explains that the 'mind tricks' associated with a strong self-will are merely signs that the addiction is seeking to regain control and are signals that relapse is near:
If, instead of failing, the person temporarily succeeds in stopping the addictive behavior, the greatest mind trick of all comes into play. It starts out very normally, with the natural joyfulness of liberation. "I can do it! I have done it! And it wasn't even difficult! Why, I actually don't even have any desire for a drink anymore. I'm free!" Before long, the natural pride will undergo a malignant change; it will be replaced by pride.
Even after 'almost' 5 years, I am still dependent daily on the powerful Grace of God and the help of individuals that are working the program of recovery. If I ever believe "I have made it"...the slippery slope will lead to destruction. Paul says that we are "strongest when we are the weakest". What a concept ... the greatest predictors of my sobriety and intimacy with God are humility, service and willingness. Please, my friends, keep warning me of the 'wounds' you observe in my behavior and attitude. My life depends on it...
Lane
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2 comments:
We must all be honest about our condition...Take heed least we fall!
It's funny how you can't see the forest for the trees. I had never considered the thought of "Stopping" as opposed to "quitting". I now see why so m any relapse.
28 days clean and sober.
Gained some weight.
Gotten some rest.
My head is clear.
I haven't used, therefore I must have quit. Nope.....I just stopped for a moment. Unless I change and are changed, I will pick back up and begin the process all over again.
Thanks...
mb
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