Sensitivity of the Heart

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. (Paul, Eph. 5:15-16)

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves. (Bill Wilson, AA pgs. 86-87)

Catching up... I've had a challenging couple of weeks and have not posted. It is very interesting to me that a significant portion of my recovery has been 'peeled back' over time. It took about a year and a half of continuous sobriety before I began to realize areas of struggle that have persisted throughout my adult life. For several days, all I could do was 'hold on' and just fulfill my basic responsibilities. I 'hid' it well...except to my 'accountability circle'. I could trust each of them with the details of my life and I am very grateful...

Sensitivity of the heart ... In the midst of a personal milestone (50th birthday!), I began to review numerous entries from journals of the past 5 years. October 9, 2003 was a very turbulent time in my life as I approached the 6-month mark of recovery. On that particular day I was participating in a 'Heart Arrhythmia Interpretation Class' at a local hospital as part of a requirement for employment. I heard these words during the class and recorded the following:

"Memorize the characteristics of the heart's electronic patterns, not the appearance...remember, the heart is very sensitive to change..."

I perceived this to be a message from God for me at this time in my life... and it certainly applies to my current situation, as well. Just as my physical heart is delicate and very sensitive (and adaptive), so is life in the spirit. I must 'guard my heart' and examine those issues that create discord, turmoil and restlessness. In addition, I must continue to have individuals in my life observing the 'characteristics' and quality of my spiritual walk, and not just the appearance. Often, the small 'allowances' or 'intrusions' produce significant alterations in my ability to stay connected to God. I am grateful to have 'discovered' ongoing recovery as a 'treatment' for my

condition...

Lane